Hit me (Ella)

Me: You Hit Me!!
Ella: I'm Sorry.
Me: You better be!!
Ella: Hush!!
Me: What???
Ella: I SAID H U S H!!!!

Crunch

Oh, The Look On Isabella's Face when I stepped on her toy, and it went "CRUNCH" I had told her to pick up her toys, she didn't listen. I got up to pick up a rubberband so she wouldn't put it in her mouth and thats when the yellow truck went, "CRUNCH". It was broke. She looks at it picked it up and said "NO, Jimmy, NO!!"

Shadows (mom)

"you know the window shadows" The What? "Window Shadows" Do you mean window shutters?? Yeah.

 

Walking (mom)

My mom Just said, "I go walking in the daytime, when the sun is in the sky" Oh, that's what daytime is, I thought it was something else!! Gosh, My Mother!!

Windchimes (Mom)

My mother bought some windchimes, she hung them outside, most of you know its really windy out today, I said "I'm surprised they haven't got tangled up" and she looks at me and say "you know I'm really tired of hearing them, I didn't think they would be so loud" SO I yell at her "THEY'RE WIND CHIMES, THEY CHIME IN THE WIND, ITS WINDY, GUSTS UP TO 45MPH, THEY AREN'T GOING TO BE QUIET!!"

 

Cooking (mom)

Me: are you cooking tonight?
My Mom: NO I COOKED LAST NIGHT!!
Don't know where I got that families have home cooked meals more than once a week!!

 

Fart (Ella)

I pick up my niece, give her a hug, tell her I love her, to which she responds back "I FARTED!!" I threw her on the bed and walked away!!

HUSH (Ella)

Isabella: loudly, la la la
Me & Katie, sssshhhh
Isabella: wipers la la la.

Canada

Explained to my mom that Canada is a county and not a continent. First she thought it was a state and then a continent. She said well Alaska is state and part of the U.S. Oh My Mother!!

 

History according to my mom

my mom was like, "didn't we start out with like 49 states, and that why there is 49 stripes on the flag?" Had to give her a history lesson. Good thing I like history!! She knew who got our independence from tho!!

 

Steal Kids

Isabella: why do you have toys?
Me: For my kids
Isabella: YOU HAVE KIDS??
Me: NO!!
Isabella: You can go steal some!!

I cleaned up...(Ella)

Ella: I picked up my toys!!
me: GOOD
Ella: Give my 5!!
me: NO!! here's 2
Ella: I want 5!!
Me: Here's 4
Ella: WHOO HOO I GOT 4!!!

Clock

My mom: what was that package in the mail??
Me: A watch
Mom: what??
Me: A WATCH!!
Mom: A clock??
Me: Yeah, for my wrist!!

 

Sprint (Ella)

My Niece: We have Frint (Sprint)

 

Ram Dodge, Bull Reds

My mom asked my sister's boyfriend, have you ever driven one of "Ram Dodges"??
Cole was like, I'm sorry, what??
My mom said that truck, Ram Dodge
Cole was like oh, Dodge Ram
That's what I said, she told him

Later on they stopped at the store, and she asked Cole do you like those Bull Reds
Cole again questions what she said??
My mom is like BULL RED and she holds up a can of RED BULL

Chimney

My mom was standing on top of the stove when I walked in the door, I asked her, what are you doing??
She tells me, the CHIMMELY sounds funny??
The what?? I asked her
The CHIMMELY
What is the CHIMMELY I asked her??
The thing on the roof and smoke comes out, sometimes it's made of brick, Santa comes down it
Oh, The Chimney!!
That's what I said!!

Spaking....(Mom)

We were having some electrical problem at my moms house, well one night we went out to see what was going on, we took our flashlights to the electrical box, the wires were loose and when the wind blew sparks came out of the top of the box. My mom then screams, "oh my God, did you see that it's SPARKLING" I said no mom, its SPARKLING!!
We had someone come out and fix it, I was at work and called her to see how it was going, and she told me the guy was working at it and the was SPARKLING before he turned it off!!

Stun

My mom was telling my friend Jake, she was almost "STUN" by a wasp
Jake was like you what??
She was like yeah, I was almost "STUN"
Jake was like do you mean "Stung"??
She was like, yeah, that's what I said!!

YUCK (mom)

My Mom: How do you spell "yuck"??
Me: Same as the "F" word but with a "Y"
My Mom: OH, YEAH!! Y-U-C-K RIGHT???

Present (Ella)

My mom: I got you some toys
Ella: WOW!! I wanna see!!!
My Mom: You can't just yet
Me: Guess what I got you??
Ella: What?
... Me: NOTHING
My mom and her talk
I asked her did she know what I got her?? Ella: yeah, NOTHING!!

9-1-1 (Ella)

Me: What do you call in case of emergency??
Ella: 62432
Me: no 9-1-1
Ella: I call 9-2-2!!

Lisp

Me: You have a lisp
Ella: WHERE??

Barnes and Mobil

My mom: We need a Barnes and mobil
Me: Barnes and Noble??
My mom: Yeah

 

19 and counting (Ella)

My sister was telling me that the Show 19 and counting, the lady lost their 20th child. I said well yeah, her vagina was prolly sore!! To which my niece says "That's Funny!!" and then laughs. My sister says you don't know what we're talking about!!